the first time that i emailed you i was drinking tea
it was in the night i typed out two paragraphs deleted them retyped three and just
stood there
for a few minutes
and sent
my entire stomach collapsed into itself and i refreshed my email at least seven times that night and well over seven the next and then when i got home at the end of the day it was Inbox (1) and i read it and read it and read it again
you were just as interesting as i remembered and you drew me in with your words
(the second time i emailed you was nine days after the first and only because you told me to, in the same ask set that you mentioned how much you loved your girlfriend, and my stomach collapsed in a different way)
maia was next to me, reading over my shoulder as we went through the old blog.
the first person i told was gillian
no
the first people i told were mary and erin, at camp, and it wasn't a thing but i hoped it could become, and tonight feels like a night in june.
i don't know where this was going.
i was going to tell you myself at first but it didn't have the same magic for you; after all, you had already halfway built your army full of whores